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TitleThe Antelope in the Living Room: The Real Story of Two People Sharing One Life
File Size1.4 MB
Total Pages186
Table of Contents
                            Title Page
The Importance of Being Antelope: A Prologue
Introduction: Erring on the Side of Love
Chapter 1: Warm Heart, Cold Salad Bowl
Chapter 2: The Art of Kissing Frogs
Chapter 3: White Lace and Promises and Cake
Chapter 4: The Day After
Chapter 5: Young Love and Old Love and a Rat
Chapter 6: The Great House Search
Chapter 7: We Make Dave Ramsey Sad
Chapter 8: Home Improvement
Chapter 9: In Sickness and in Health
Chapter 10: Nilla Wafers Aren’t a Food Group
Chapter 11: That Time I Almost Went on Judge Judy
Chapter 12: Root, Root, Root for the Home Team
Chapter 13: The Couple That Shops Together Has My Sympathies
Chapter 14: And Baby Makes Three
Chapter 15: I Would Do Anything for Love, but I Won’t Shoot That
Chapter 16: Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough or the Feds Show Up
Chapter 17: The Twisted Gift of the Magi
Chapter 18: Frigidaire Will Be So Envious
Chapter 19: Because Innuendo Is the Sincerest Form of Flattery
Chapter 20: In-Laws and Outlaws
Chapter 21: Skeletons and Grace
Chapter 22: Deck the Halls
Chapter 23: The Antelope in the Living Room
Chapter 24: Coming Home
About the Author
Document Text Contents
Page 93

Then, in a show of allegiance to his newly turned leaf, I made grilled chicken
salads filled with fresh vegetables for dinner. They were a monument to healthy
eating: fresh greens, sliced avocado, chopped carrots, with bright-red tomato
garnish and a small side of low-fat balsamic vinaigrette dressing.

After dinner, he said he wanted to go weigh himself and see if his day of living
right had made any difference. I watched him walk into the bathroom and
thought to myself,

He returned to the kitchen triumphantly and announced he had already lost six


(Insert profanity here.)

Oh sure, you can say it was water weight or whatever, but you and I both know
that the only woman in history who has ever lost six pounds in one day was
Marie Antoinette. And I don’t think any of us want to go that route.

Because what’s the point in being six pounds thinner if no one can tell it’s you?

When Perry and I were still working in youth ministry, a high school couple
confided in us that they were struggling with the physical aspect of their
relationship. When I told Gulley about it later (not revealing the couple’s
identity), she said, “Well, yeah. Of course they are. They’ve got those toned,
tanned, high school bodies. None of us will ever look that good again.”

And we agreed that it feels a little unfair that the pinnacle of your physical
fitness usually coincides with a time when you’re not married and don’t really
have the option to parade around the house naked. Maybe it would be better if
we started off kind of wrinkled with cellulite and muffin tops so we could make
sure we’re really choosing our partner for his sparkling personality and not his
physical appearance. And then the reward for staying married is that your body
gets better with each ensuing year. Ten years of marriage? Have some toned
thighs with muscle definition. Twenty years? Here’s a set of washboard abs.

Unfortunately, that’s not the way it works. Unless you spend a lot of time at the
gym instead of ordering the pancake breakfast with a side of extracrispy bacon.

Page 185

About the Author

MELANIE SHANKLE, lives in San Antonio, Texas, with her husband, Perry,
and daughter, Caroline. She graduated from Texas A&M in 1994 while possibly
on scholastic probation. Melanie began writing her blog, Big Mama, in July
2006. She’s also a regular contributor to The Pioneer Woman blog. In her spare
time she likes to shop good sales, watch too much television, and laugh at things
that are sometimes inappropriate.

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